Copy Review for Medical Cannabinoid

[Becky BrownParticipant]

Posted this in the Confident Copywriters FB group, but wondered if it could/should go here to help others as well……

I’ve been hired to develop (and execute, but that comes later, obviously) a new marketing narrative for a one-year-old company that sells medical cannabis to consumers online. They have an “urgent need for a more coherent and compelling narrative & CTA for consumers, as well as print marketing tools to reach retailers, health practitioners, and physicians.” I won’t even go into all of the challenges that will come once it’s time to finalize copy due to current US federal regulation of cannabis, but outside of that, here is my challenge:

I am collaborating with a designer who also has a decades-long career in corporate advertising (she knows copy and is super smart and creative). The marketing director who hired me is also very experienced and intimidating as hell. Basically, I feel like I just learned to swim and all of a sudden one day I found myself on the starting blocks at the Olympics.

Here’s where we’re at: The designer and I presented two ideas last week. Basically mocked up home pages + subpage. We got great feedback on the imagery and theme for one of the ideas presented, but missed the mark in the “compelling narrative and CTA” so we are revising to present again on Tuesday afternoon.

I realize that in the collaboration process, what I didn’t do was hold up the “So what?” argument for CTAs. Also, headline and subheads for each section were not well thought out as far as flow – the narrative that gets the person to make a purchase. This is an e-commerce site, after all. Even though it is awesome to collaborate and brainstorm with another experienced marketer, I am finding it challenging to walk through this with the designer because I get so sidetracked from my own process. She is basically acting as “creative director” and the suggestion is that I follow her lead, but man…..it’s new and uncomfortable. I feel like there is a lot at stake for this round. He wants to be WOWed and she is nervous, which makes me nervous. Project is well underway, so it’s not about winning the job anymore, it’s about delivering quality work and staying on schedule.

I’ve done some back to basics work on my own this weekend after a frustrating brainstorming session with the designer. My job tomorrow morning will be to revise the headlines, subheads, CTAs, and button copy for a four-step narrative (compelling, coherent, fabulous, etc.) that brings the prospect from the home page to the sale.

Tips? Thoughts? Words of wisdom? I’m ready for cheerleaders to remind me that I can do this. I realize that I usually work for clients who don’t know shit about marketing……this is waaaaaaay harder. And I know it’s really good for me. And hard. Did I mention, it’s hard?

[Belinda WeaverKeymaster]

You absolutely CAN do this.

You can see where the concepts are weak so you know where to focus. Go back to your process (and trust it) and block out the designer for this part of your work. Be “the copywriter!”

You might find it useful to read through the relevant lessons from the course. But also, consider the objections of your audience and how you can minimize the risk of taking action (as they approach the CTA).

[Becky BrownParticipant]

Thanks, Belinda. Blocking out the designer is key right now for me. Her voice is loud and distracting at this stage! Here’s what I came up with for tomorrow’s presentation to the client:

Target Audience: People unfamiliar with CBD seeking alternatives to conventional medicine

What do they want? Improved health

What is the pain point? They are frustrated by persistent symptoms & disillusioned by ineffective/harmful conventional protocols

Key benefit: Control, empowerment to take charge of their health

Stage 1 – Consumer who is in pain, frustrated by the limitations of conventional medicine lands on the:

Home Page:

Headline: Out of options?

Sub-head: Imagine limitless possibilities
Introducing physician-formulated CBD botanicals

Button: Learn More

Stage 2 – Intrigued by the possibility of a simple alternative, they click through to:

Learn More Page:

Headline: Discover the Possibilities of Cannabidiol
Body: Everything you need to know about who we are, what we stand for, and the science behind our gentle and effective botanical products.
(3 panels)
Subhead: About CBD
Body: Our product formulations provide safe and effective answers to your toughest health concerns. CBD is non-euphoric, which means you don’t get high. For thousands of years, CBD has been found to support a number of common health challenges including……
Button: Explore Possibilities (goes to conditions)

Subhead: About Us
Body: With backgrounds in science and medical practice, our team has experienced the limitations of conventional medicine firsthand. Through extensive research and successful outcomes, we’ve discovered the expansive possibilities of CBD. Our products have been formulated to support excellent health and provide the resources you need to take charge of your own health.
Button: Learn More (goes to About Us)

Subhead: Common Questions
Body: We’ve put together a comprehensive list of questions and accompanying answers to empower your decision making. If you don’t find what you’re looking for here, be sure to let us know. We’re here to help you take charge of your health.
Button: Get Answers (goes to FAQs)

Stage 3 – Now ready to address their symptoms, they are ready for to learn how GEM products can help and click through to:

Conditions Page:

Headline: Use the science of nature to nurture.
Subhead: Discover the healing properties of cannabidiol

(4 panels)
SLEEP
Get the rest you need.
Studies show that better sleep leads to improved health. Support your body’s ability to relax into deep….Learn How

MOOD
Improve your outlook.
Calm your nervous system, feel serene and productive with our gentle and effective plant-based….Learn How

PAIN
Increase your mobility.
Manage pain, inflammation, and the effects of aging with natural alternatives to harmful pharmaceuticals…Learn How

SPORTS
Optimize your performance.
Superior results depend upon the body’s ability to repair and recover after injury…Learn How

Stage 4 – Ready to make a purchase, the reader navigates to the product page to take action:

Product Page:

Headline: Finally, safe and effective alternatives
Subhead: Our pure and consistent formulations support your health without harmful side effects.
Links: to sub product pages

Any feedback? My main goal is to present a compelling narrative and a logical progression through each section. What I’m missing, are compelling Calls to Action. Does each section need one beyond the click through? This part has me stumped.

[Belinda WeaverKeymaster]

I like the journey you’ve created as they go through the stages of awareness.

One comment I have is about your homepage headline. It could be more specific as right now, it could apply to a number of industries/solutions.

You mentioned they are frustrated by persistent symptoms and bringing that in really narrows the focus.

Headline: Persistent symptoms? Out of options?
Headline: Persistent symptoms and out of options?

The idea of “limitless possibilities” is quite woo compared to the science of this product.

What about…

Sub-head: Imagine a natural solution (that works). Introducing physician-formulated CBD botanicals

When it comes to your CTAs the product pages will need a CTA to buy. Are they taking care of those pages and your copy just leads buyers to the product pages?

[Becky BrownParticipant]

I’m curious about that specificity piece. I’ve been getting pushback from the client on being more specific – we need to dance around the FDA as far as making health claims – the suggestions was to allude to the possibilities (he really, really likes this word) and allow the reader to fill in the blanks.

So, the question is – how to be more specific, without being too negative (which he has also requested) and without making specific health promises……

[Belinda WeaverKeymaster]

I understand having to do that dance but the vaguer the claims are, the dodgier they sound.

If the claims of a natural solution that works are too close to the knuckle you could have:

Headline: Persistent symptoms and out of options?
Sub-head: Introducing physician-formulated CBD botanicals.
Or Sub-head: It’s time to try physician-formulated CBD botanicals.

That simply lists the scenario the target audience finds themselves in and introduces a solution, with your credibility-boosting “physician-formulated”.

Or, introduce that social proof, which has to be backed up but is more anecdotal.

• This reply was modified 5 months, 2 weeks ago by  Belinda Weaver. Reason: Took out my MLM hating 😉

• This reply was modified 5 months, 2 weeks ago by  Belinda Weaver. Reason: Took out my MLM hating ;)

[Becky BrownParticipant]

Okay, yes. I can see that. Thank you for clarifying. My mind is still whirling…

Persistent symptoms and out of options?

Put the power of physician-formulated CBD botanicals to work for you

or

Persistent symptoms? Out of options?

Introducing physician-formulated CBD botanicals, natural solutions that work

[Belinda WeaverKeymaster]

I think I prefer the two question headline as the two phrases stand out a bit more than when they are together in one sentence.

Keep the subheads, sleep on it then review them tomorrow. You could always present both options or keep one up your sleep as an on-the-fly option.

Let your brain rest now!

[Becky BrownParticipant]

Great advice to sleep on it. My brain was on overdrive for sure. This whole working for marketing experts thing is no joke. I feel like I’ve just learned more in two weeks that in three years of running my business. Sheesh.

So – the great news is that the client loved the story narrative. Although we were originally planning to present to the client together, I realized that I needed to step away from the designer (who is also a branding/copy “expert” 😉 and compose my own version of the narrative that would help me feel more confident in the presentation process. I was getting lost in images and floaty, airy messages of hope and possibilities. I needed to ground the story in clear, compelling pain, solutions, and calls to action and it worked! He loved it…AND, he would like one final tweak to the home page copy before his presentation to the leadership team on Thursday morning.

Here’s the homepage content I presented:

Headline: Persistent symptoms? Out of options?

Sub-head: It’s time to try physician-formulated CBD botanicals

Button: Learn More

What he’d like to see added is a line or phrase that alludes to the possibilities and hope promised to customers using these products.

The imagery points to this, with a beautiful photo of a father with a child on his shoulders walking away from the camera into the sunset on the beach. The client wants to see if it’s possible to let the copy back this up.

He has liked “imagine the possibilities”, “there is a better way” as phrases to point to reassurance we are offering to prospects who are frustrated, in pain, and at the end of their ropes.

So, to that end could it look like this:

1. Questions – to help readers self identify
2. Imagine – a phrase to help them see that there is another way
3. Here’s our answer – showing them that we have the answer.

My brain is fried and I’m going to set this aside for the evening, but here’s what I’ve got so far:

Persistent symptoms? Out of options?
There is a better way or We’ve found a better way
It’s time to try physician-formulated CBD botanicals

Any thoughts? Too much copy?

[Belinda WeaverKeymaster]

I think the images you’re highlighting can help the readers connect to that idea and you can dig into it further in the copy… on another page (like stage 2 of the journey).

It’s too much for the homepage.

(Drops 2c into the jar 🙂

[Becky BrownParticipant]

I know, right????? he and the designer are in this airy-fairy world of hope and possibility but I don’t think the customer needs to see that until their pain is validated.

I’ll probably flesh this important point out a bit to underscore my preference but still submit a revision to comply with his request for his presentation. Now that I know he is happy with the direction, I feel much more confident asserting myself in regards to final tweaks……

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