April 6, 2019 at 4:05 PM #19999
I’ve been avoiding posting a copy review for the longest time! *shy face* Haha
Please can you let me know what you think? It’s taken me hours of rewriting to get these three lines 😮
My client is an ethical property crowdfunding investment firm.
I’m doing 6 pages of their website, and they’re changing their entire messaging/positioning.
This bit of copy is for their home page.
(Heading) Make Money. Change the world.
Yielders lets you make money without you having to compromise your values. Through our low-risk, ethical investment opportunities, you get to grow your wealth and* make a positive impact on the world at exactly the same time.
(CTA) Start investing with £100
There’s more copy to come, as this is part of a slider so I have two more slides in which I can present more information about them. I’d talk a bit more about the property side of things here – but this is essentially the first piece of copy website users would see.
The client has asked me to focus on them being an *ethical/sustainable/socially responsible* investment firm.
Thanks in advance!
April 6, 2019 at 4:07 PM #20000
Hi, no real comments on your copy, but since you mention using a slider – there’s overwhelming evidence that sliders are a bad thing as far as conversion goes. The most thorough article on the subject I’ve come across is from ConversionXL (they really know their stuff!) – I’ll pop a link here. Hope it’s useful.
Hi Derek Etherton! Thanks for letting me know.
The client’s website already exists so at the moment I’m working with their wireframe. But I think they’d be open to my suggestion if I told them to remove it. This is really helpful. Thanks again!
April 6, 2019 at 4:08 PM #20001
Sounds great Iye Iye Shay. I know the feeling of spending hours rewriting copy! ☺️ I’ve had a go at a making a few little tweaks, which may or may not be helpful!
Yielders lets you make money without compromising on your values. Through our low-risk and ethical investment opportunities, you can grow your wealth and* make a positive impact on the world.
Iye Iye Shay
Thanks Kate! I implemented your changes.
I spent the three hours working on the home page today and I’m finally feeling good about it.
Thanks for your help 🤗
Awesome! It feels good when you’re finally happy with something after working so hard ☺️
April 6, 2019 at 4:09 PM #20002
In my mind I would be pulled into considering it with the line ‘What if you could make money while at the same time changing the world?
With a range of low-risk investment opportunities you get to choose the investment that most resonates with your values.’.
Something along those lines. Reaching out to your audience who has money to invest but wants it to go to a good place without it seeming like a sales pitch.
Iye Iye Shay
Thanks for taking the time out to look at this Ariane! I like that you turned into a question.
Reading your comment helped me focus more on the idea of their money going to a good place.
Thanks again! 🙂
April 6, 2019 at 4:10 PM #20003
Great suggestions everyone!
One question I have is: will the audience care more about making money OR changing the world.
If it’s making money and the world changing is a bonus, lead with the money.
If they only want to make money from ethical investments, lead with that aspect of the process.
April 6, 2019 at 4:11 PM #20004
You could also turn it into a question:
H1: Can you make money *and* change the world?
H2: Don’t choose between your profits and your ethics.
Yielders lets you make serious money without compromising on your values. Through our low-risk and ethical investment opportunities, you can grow your wealth and* make a positive impact on the world.
I just added the word serious here as it levels up the results.
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